When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
