bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
