Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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