i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
