i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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