Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
