Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
