all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
