i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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