I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
