i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
