i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
