How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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