I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
