wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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