My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
