Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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