she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
