I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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