Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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