you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the day after is always just damage control
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
