He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
