just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
