You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
