put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
