You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
