wakey wakey hands off snakey
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
