Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
