That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
