I want to make a zoo with you.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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