grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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