Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
