I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
