thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
