I heard we made out
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
there is glitter all over my balls
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