I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
