I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
