so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
