oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
