Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
