my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
