I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
