Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Be still, my beating vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
