btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
