mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
