I accidentally burped into my bong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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