he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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