the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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