you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
