So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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