Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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