she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
