I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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