Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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