There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
