P.S. I can't hear my feet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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