Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
