This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
