if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
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