she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
