dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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